Nick: Victory Calypso was sung spontaneously by Lord Beginner and Lord Kitchener after the West Indies beat England at Lord's in 1950. It's on Youtube. It's worth listening to before you read the song. The calypso rhythm is very flexible and a good performer could make it work (or it could be modified). All the ideas (and some of the words) come from the Dan Leno stuff that you put on the website.
YouTube: Listen here.
Cricket, lovely cricket
At Heathfield where I saw it
Cricket, lovely cricket
Bolingbroke made a profit
Dan Leno's team did its best
Heathfield won the test
They gave the crowd plenty fun
Cricket match and the hospital won.
Bolingbroke Hospital short of funds
Dan Leno collected one thousand pounds.
Dan Leno led out his side
But they were so disguised
It was all that we could do
To distinguish who was who
One was attired as an Indian chief
One was an Admiral of the Fleet
There were ladies of uncertain age
And a Wandle pirate took the stage.
Bolingbroke Hospital short of funds
Dan Leno collected one thousand pounds.
Little Dando, three feet in height
And sixteen stone Mutt, what a sight
He gave the ball such a thumping
He was disqualified for humping
Little Dando would not yield
Not out - so they hauled him off the field
One was out "head before the wicket"
And someone shouted "It isn't cricket!"
Bolingbroke Hospital short of funds
Dan Leno collected one thousand pounds.
Miss Katie Seymour the actress was there
And Lawrence Athol the dancing bear
When he shouted "Miss Seymour's out"
She gave him such a resounding clout
First he turned three somersaults
Then hysterically called for smelling salts
She gave the next ball such a hoof
They fielded it on the pavilion roof.
Bolingbroke Hospital short of funds
Dan Leno collected one thousand pounds.
A clown on a bicycle rode around
The band paraded on the ground
The Heathfields thumped the drum beats
The sailors played the trumpets
The cyclist blew on a bassoon
Each man played a different tune
What a sound! What harmony!
Dan Leno and his company.
After all is said and done
The hospital and the patients won.